Things are kinda getting better. It's about moods, more than anything else. And about the apparent lack of ability to write. 

It took me an eternity to write something like two pages and I feel so damn self-conscious about them, I just need some reassurance. But I'm not getting any later, so I'm just stuck with the mood swings. And I totally hate to need reassurance 'cause I should be used to reassure myself, just like I always did. 

So sorry if I'm being even more obsessive over fanfictions or stuff, sorry if I'm being an over-dramatic bitch these days, but I just got one of the most painful failures of my life, so I think I'm entitled to be a little emo. And I'm entitled to need something to go the way I want. 

The only thing that had made me feel really better was tv-related, that's just...absurd. Seriously. I spend a lot of time talking about tv shows and movies and music, but I know damn well that's not real life. And it just...it's just absurd that the only thing that made me feel better was Bill Kaulitz's smile. But it was. And it really makes me think.

Also, this is the last post about this. Seriously, I don't wanna end up filling my lj with bitching and whining about my life. I've seen too much of the real world to bitch about my life. I'm fuckin' lucky to have what I have and I don't have any right in the world to bitch about my life. 

I've been in Tanzania for a reason and it had changed me a lot. What I have, what most people around me have, is priceless and they're damn lucky to have a house, to have a family. And I don't wanna end up whining about what's wrong in my life, 'cause seriously, from what I've seen of the world, I live in heaven. 
So I'll just stop this emo stuff right from next post.

And if I don't manage to find the reassurance I need right now about my work, well...I'll just deal, 'cause it's what I'm used to do, and sooner or later I'll find it, one way or another. I just won't have anyone to thank. 

One last thing. This topic is closed for me. I'll go back to silly, music-related, tv-related things, no more emo shit. It's not like it's ever helped, anyway. This is my fuckin' happy place, and I'm not gonna ruin it. 

See you later, or tomorrow, with happy news. 
JM

PS: to the ones that arrived on this journal these last days...I'm never like this. Seriously, you just met me in a bad week. From tomorrow I'll be back to myself and you'll find me a lot less annoying and boring.